kitten

There is a kitten a couple doors away from my place.
The adorable grayish fluffy kitten is always inside of the house, by one of the big window where seems her favourite spot. She plays, sleeps, and spends most of her time by the window where people passing by can easily look at her. People look at her, smile at her, play through the glass window lovingly. She likes it, I bet. Many strangers love her through the clear glass, however, no one cares about her. They don't know how she is treated by her owner, how she ends up in the house, whether she has some problems or not. They don't care. None of these small things matters to someone's life. Nothing, yes, it is nothing. No matter how hard she try to catch people's eyes on her to interact, what people see is the adorable grayish fluffy fur she has. She still sits by the window gazing in hope at people walking by.

"no sense"

This lovely chilly foggy San Franciscan night, I had a rare opportunity to have an interesting conversation with an high-middle-aged(=old) Japanese man. Things I found about him were; he is visiting here for business and also private purposes, he established and successed in his business, he has a huge respect for Budda, he married to a doughter of a president of a very big company in Japan, his wife is very active that she is traveling around the US while he is here and even trying to go to a university in Thailand and then in the US.
We had a conversation about how young people in Japan thesedays are spoiled and getting too used to "peace" that they seem to have no sense of fear that thier home country, Japan, may fall. He lectured me that we, young generation, must take care of our home country with our intelligence and technology.
Then he asked what my "dream" is. I said, "a housewife". He said, "...what?".
I told him that how I grew up seeing my mother working as a housewife and now, I really appreciate and respect her. I even think being a housewife is actually the hardest job which you get no money no matter how hard you work but essential to raise next generation. And what's more, I do love housekeeping. Those points of objection I showed him, however, weren't strong enough to move him. He told me that people like me, having a lot of energy and going out to the bigger world to experience and learn, should be the ones who lead our country. In his philosophy, dreaming to be a housewife is cheap and non-sense that does not contribute society at all. He believes that working for companies, communities, and politics are the real contribution to our society and every one of us should be willing to sacrifice our life to our society because our individual bodies and souls are given to do so, not to dream about personal ego.

I did not say anything after his lecture, but inside of my mind, there was a complicated feeling.

when

When will I stop pretending to be always a victim?
When will I realize I have such great people around?
When will I finally appreciate what I have?

When will I feel being loved?
When will I stop hurting people?

When will I...