...

I am such a patriot.
As a student in California, especially in my school, it is mandatory to take U.S. (unnecessary...excuse me) History, and today was the day I was most afraid of; history of World War 2. Being an international student from a country which used to be a big enemy (well, maybe Americans didn't really care in fact), listening to the lecture about horrible incidents what my people, Japanese, did for American was extremely uncomfortable.
In the U.S. history, the only important incidents are probably the Pearl Harbor attack and the atomic bomb, and they say "we joined the world war because Japs attacked us" and some even say "we brought the world war to the end with the bomb". Let me tell you what was actually happenning in arrogant, imperial Japan at the time. American air crafts flew the sky and droped rains of fire almost every night, everywhere, even in my town where is definitely not one of important cities in japan, and burnt everything. People in Japan had no food, literally. If you took unseasoned white rice with just one pickled plum for a lunch to school, you had been even abused by teacher because they couldn't even get rice. Children living in big cities had sent to rural, countryside villeges separating from their parents no matter how young they were, because those cities had been attcked so often and otherwise no one would be left. There was no huge symbol bells in temples because those were taken to make bullets for war, we didn't have any resource. Kamikaze commando was organized because there was no use of having air crafts without bullets and fuels other than having hardly enough fuel to fly and crash into enemy and make as much damage as possible with them. Most pilots were teenagers or early twenties because there was no man who could fight at the end of the war. Yes, everyone knew that the war was going to end inside of their minds, but it was not allowed to say in public. People were not proud of dying for country or the Emperor, it was just a way to make themselves feel less fearful because they knew they won't be back their hometown alive. These were all happenning while Americans were making films like Gone with the Wind.

I couldn't breathe when they started talk about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the only places where hit by atomic bomb. My hand holding a pen was shaking, my heart was beating so fast and loud that I could feel the blood flowing into my head, and I felt painful heat deep inside my eyes. I was torn.

Vertigo

Freedom

There is nothing more harsh, complicating, confusing, and uncomfortable than being free, sometimes.
When I don't have it, I eager to get it, then when I get it, I wish to be taken.
How ironic and ugly is that.