something that I always have to remember

I have just swallowed the last piece of medicine I have been prescribed. I have almost forgot what I have done. I try not to think about it even though I have to suffer from this my entire life. I try not to think that I actually got a disadvantage in my life even though it is not obvious yet. I try not to think that this had actually happened to my life even though it clearly had.
The past can never be changed. That's why you learn from the past and make a better future. That is the beauty of life until you make a serious mistake that you must never have done. To make one feels better is to tell oneself try not to redo the same mistake in the future, in other words, sugarcoat the filth and get over it. That's how we live, and that's how I have to live. The thing is, however, the filth stays as a filth forever even though it is covered with nice, white, sweet layers that make it look pretty. I have to remember and accept the reality all the time in my mind. I have to remember and accept the reality that I am no longer innocent. And I have to move foward with the filth and guilt from now on.